


Please

by genee



Category: Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-01
Updated: 2005-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-12 03:18:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genee/pseuds/genee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>I don't want to be your regret, I'd rather be your cocoon</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Please

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marythefan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=marythefan).



> For Lambs Day 2005

Way back, way before everything, before you'd even left Orlando, you remember Lance smiling at the sky, so shy, he always seemed so shy to you, even after you knew he wasn't shy at all. He was funny, as funny as Chris, just different, quieter, and he would scheme with you, listen to your ideas, your dreams, so patient and easy and you think you were in love with him, even then.

You flirted with him shamelessly, all across Europe, and he flirted back, playful and intimate and you wanted to kiss him, you wanted to do more than kiss him. He held you close and smiled, ran his fingers through your hair, so young, but you were always younger. You remember yourself then, eyes full of tears, the last time you made him tell you no. "Why?" you'd asked him, "Lance, please. Why?"

"Because you'd regret it," he said, fingers ghosting over your cheek. You started to protest, but he shook his head, and you remember throwing yourself into his arms, sniffling into his shoulder. You remember wild berry chapstick, the press of his cheek against your hair and the feel of his jaw moving when he said, "You might. And then we'd lose this, J, and I don't want to lose this. Okay?"

"Okay," you'd said, even though you didn't think it was. You were wrong though, because Lance didn't make you go, didn't send you to Chris and he didn't run off to Joey, he just held you and whispered and it really was okay. You didn't know he'd been crying until later, salty tears in your curls and you went to bed that night without taking a shower so you could keep him close a little bit longer.

He stayed close all on his own though, just like he promised. Joey was his best friend, sure, but you were more than that, different, and you wouldn't trade your place in Lance's life for anything. There wasn't a word for it, the sort of friends that you were. Girlfriends, Chris teased, but you thought he probably wasn't too far off. Your momma had an address book that said 'Girlfriends Are Forever' on the cover, and if that was true, then maybe that's what you were.

There were flings for both of you, boys and girls, Nick and Wade and even Britney, so much more than a fling, so real and wonderful that you thought your heart would burst just from the feel of it, and then it did, and Lance was there for that, too. You remember his eyes the morning you told him, "I don't regret it, yo," spring green and autumn gold. You were still a little drunk, but you remember the feel off his hand on the back of your head, warm and steady, and the way he sounded when he said, "That's good, J," the way his lips felt on your cheek.

Bittersweet, you think now, rain falling outside, soft grays and soft sounds and it's all you can do not to wake him up and ask him if it was worth it, but instead you hold him close and watch him sleep. You didn't think he'd come here, another foreign city, another vague hotel. You thought he'd go home first, soak up the Mississippi sun and the quiet comfort of his family, and then maybe head to New York, lose himself in the noise of the city for a while, let Joey's laugh and Briahna's smile fill up all the empty places Star City left inside.

It feels like a gift, this time with him, the way he says, "Please," so fragile and open that you're almost not sure you know what to do. You do, though. You do what he's always done for you, you wrap your arms around him and hold him close, muscle and bone and so many shadows you fill the room with candles to help chase them all away. You run your fingers through his hair, softer than you remember, but not as soft as his skin, pale cream in the flickering light, and you whisper when you brush his tears away.

You tell him it's okay and he snuggles closer. You tell him you missed him and he kisses you, his lips on yours so sweet you know you'll always remember.

"I missed you, too," he says, and you turn up the heat and order in, fresh berries and extra blankets and it's like a cocoon, just the two of you, no regrets.

   


 _i don't want to be your regret, i'd rather to be your cocoon_  
\- jack johnson, cocoon

  
   
   


\-- end --


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